Anesthetic

Remember that time, when I said no spiritual application could be pulled from the removal of wisdom teeth?

Well, I was sort of wrong.

LISTEN. It's been crazy. But full of the Lord. So I got some anesthetic, an amnesia drug actually, and some pills to take afterward.

I didn't swell or have any pain. What I did have, was craziness in my head. Seriously. I did not feel like myself at all. I thought I was losing my mind for a while there. But the Lord used it in so many ways.

So we'll start with me going back to work 6 days after the surgery..plenty of time right? wrong. Oh my goodness, I could not focus on anything! I felt dizzy, detached, and depressed. It was nuts. Well this particular day I was also supposed to meet up with my sweet cousin that I go over the book of John with. I didn't so much feel like reading words under these conditions though..

Yet I heard the Lord say do it..So I went home after work, prayed, really ..begged..for focus..and read John 4. AMAZING. I literally felt myself physically feel better with every word I read and studied! I never felt better the evening I went over the Samaritan woman and Jesus Christ being our Living Water!! Went home, felt good still. Woke up the next day...and bad again.

I really was thinking, ok, why do I feel like this, it has nothing to do with teeth...seriously. The next day, still felt weird, had to work again, and decided to chop off my hair and dye it darker...

I mean really, what was I thinking?! I wasn't.

Sunday comes around, I'm feeling better, go to church, and the Lord is pressing me to get IN THE WORD! So that afternoon, me and a pumpkin spice latte, get in the Word.

Amazing. Feeling better. He is in me, and LIVING. Snaps, that really sinks in. Go to the evening service at church..the Pastor talks about the underground church..believers who have little access to the Bible and Scripture..and how they HUNGER for it..and memorize it..
He asks for testimonies on how we've seen God move in our lives THIS WEEK...Then, how have we seen the Word of God active this week..I spoke up and testified.

Monday. Back to work. Feeling a lot better and go to my follow-up appt. I ask the Dr. about how long it takes for the anesthetic to get out of your system..he says "oh a week to 10 days...why, have you been light-headed? Oh and the steroid I gave you can make you feel detached.."

I mean, really.

BUT! The Lord ordained that way! If I had known ahead of time, that it was the medicine, I would not have pressed into the Lord like I needed to nor realized the power of His Word like that! How gracious is He?!

WELL. a non-believing co-worker, her husband had the same surgery by the same doctor a week or so after me.

He's been experiencing the SAME things and did not know why..I was able to share what it was, and not to worry, and also testify about the Lord giving me peace and rest through it!

But not only that, a desire in my heart for His Word is growing more and more..and I'm so grateful.Well, in the midst of this..trial? My mom is ..well...being placed in a position that she will hopefully cry out to the Lord. And well, until she does, it's kind of miserable around here as she turns to other things to fill her void.

As I go through this, I realize the days I was in His Word, things are great in our relationship (me and my mom) in fact, one of those days, the Lord granted me compassion with her in her depression because I had just had a small taste of it, BUT go the sweeter taste of the Lord through it..andI got to pray over my mom that night! Though, the days I was not in the Word, were (TERRIBLE). Now, I'm not saying "if you're not in the Word, you'll have a bad day." NO. The Lord allowed to happen to me so that He could continue to CONFIRM the power of His Word in my life. He's so gracious to do this, when He could turn me over to my own desires..Thank you Jesus that you don't..

NOW! Another co-worker emails me at the end of last week about trouble with her grandparents that she's living with..and asked for prayer.

The Lord allowed me to share in her sufferings, give her some Scripture and tell her that I understand..BUT ..and glorify the Lord.

Now I've noticed a pattern here. I'm sure you haven't because I've typed this in such a scattered form..

So here it is. The Lord has allowed me to go through things just a few steps before some one else, and then allowed me to testify of Him and His Word later.

2 co-workers, my mom, and then..my brother.

Yes, in my own house, exists my unbelieving brother. It breaks my heart, literally, to think on this reality too long. But Sunday afternoon, the Lord gave me opportunity to talk of Him with my brother! I got to identify with him in the fear of death (I experienced some of this in my depression/teeth ordeal). But we talked of the afterlife, what we each believed, and I understood the fear, but that Christ has removed that, and I feel assured.

He doesn't understand how I can just believe. And he voiced that he doesn't want me to call myself a Christian because Christians are fake, but that he respects that I do believe in something, I don't need a label though. Well, I said, the term Christian tends to be political these days, so I typically refer to myself as a believer. And when asked a believer of what, I would say Jesus Christ.

It showed me also the high calling to be of good reputation around my brother because he could stumble over any appearance of evil I could portray, and the Lord has been gracious in removing temptations and opportunities for me to be distracted and/or portray a "neat Christian" rather than a godly woman who passionately and genuinely is wanting to fall in love with Jesus.
Also, because of my freak after-surgery experience, I was able to identify with him to a point.

But I would NEVER want to live longer like that..fearful, unsure, distrusting, so you find an "anesthetic" to remove the pain. But man, that anesthetic caused me more trouble in the long run than an hour of pain and a couple days of swelling would have. God uses our pain. He allowed it, He is for our good if we love Him, and sometimes pain, is what He prescribed to become more like Him and lose more of ourselves. And to try and numb ourselves to it, take the easy way (which what i prefer) is worse in the long run.

Like my mom, she is turning to forms of anesthetic to numb her pain over the trials she experienced A YEAR AGO. It's a sick cycle. But if she would let herself feel, push through it with the God of endurance, and soak in His healing Word, she would come out of this. I thank the Lord that He hasn't turned her over to what she bows down to. He has her in this place so that she will cry out to Him and He can show Himself mighty and good to her. I pray she sees it. I beg my brother would trust and have faith in Jesus that He removed the sting of death from us!

OH! and I saw that in Acts 7 in my Monday night study with my pastor's wife! Stephen, looking into heaven, and seeing Christ STANDING at the right hand of God. Crying out the same word to his murderers that Christ did, but Christ doing it not seeing the Father because HE HAD OUR SIN ON HIM!Stephen was redeemed, He saw Christ, He prayed, and died. Christ saw death for us, so that we don't have to!! We have nothing to fear!!! Praise Him!