A Day Off..

FINALLY. It's my day off this week and after this, it gets crazy for awhile. Mostly just work. We are revamping my whole branch, turning it upside down, all around, ripping it up, taring it down, people and the building.

Basically without all of my descriptive words usage, we are re-staffing and rescheduling, and this weekend we will be putting in new floors. Obviously the floors can't be done while we work, so I will be in the building after we close both friday and saturday for this endeavor.

I'm thinking about bringing my sleeping bag..

BUT. It's all part of restoration process I never thought I would be a part of. My branch of the credit union is the only one of it's kind.. It's drive-thru only, it's small, and closed off to the public, but very busy. I have a variety of tellers there and i LOVE that. I have one challenging employee, and well..I have to pray for strength to be her boss everyday..But I know she's there for a reason like all the other ones are. I wished I could tell you all of their stories..because their amazing. I LOVE getting to know people. Being a small part of their lives.

Like yesterday, it was a long day. I'm short-handed and my senior teller (asst manager) was off. So that means i work a 10 hour day. Anyway, one of my tellers came in looking really down. I asked her what was wrong, and she burst into tears! I felt awkward and sad all at the same time. I asked her to go into my office and just cool down for awhile. After that "while" had passed, I went in there to talk. I thought it might be work. Because we've been making so many changes, moving people around, hiring, not hiring, and maybe it got to her. But she shared that she got a very broken heart over the weekend. I didn't expect her to share that.

But I felt like an older sister to her. I wanted to comfort her anyway I could think of, but I know the only One who can... So I shared a little bit of how the Lord used my times of broken-heartedness for good. ONE: There's always a purpose behind it. He wants to show something of Himself to us, so look for it! There's where your focus should be. Not on the problem, not on the hurt, but on the Lord Jesus. He loves us and everything is for the good for those who love Him back. I told her how it was during my time of being hurt that I'd never felt closer to the Lord. I grew soooo much in the two major times of being heart-broken.

Last, I asked if I could pray for her..PRAISE THE LORD! Praying over my staff member in a secular workplace! My friend and I prayed over my office when I got the promotion, and the Lord has surely moved in that place! All glory to Him!

It's so amazing to me how INVOLVED the Lord is with us..if we open ourselves up to Him...

So I just love that normally, she would been off that day, but I switched her day off to today, her birthday (ya this hits right before her birthday) and the Lord was able to reach out to her through me! Crazy, confused, irritable me!

I say that because prior to this opportunity, I have been feeling all of those things. Just lost and confused, WORN OUT in all aspects, like I have nothing left to give anyone..

And all of the sermons at church lately have been on prayer.

wow.

THEN I left work yesterday and went straight to meet up with my pastor's wife for Bible Study at Starbucks. We're coming up on 1 year of meeting in a few weeks. And I'm producing tears behind my eyes just thinking about God's grace to me through her.

So we went over Luke 21..because thats the book we've been in since December. And the Lord talks a lot about being on our guard, being alert, not letting the world ensnare us and dull our minds! Examples the scripture gave were drunkeness, carousing, and the worries of life.

And the worries of life sure were dulling me!! I was not guarding myself at all. Jesus advises us to pray for strength to escape "these things" and be able to STAND when the end times are near..not be overcome with fear.

That's not the only example of prayer the Lord has put in my life this week. Last Wednesday I was off as well. And I spent half the morning with the Lord. I HAD TO. I was dying of starvation of Him.

Well, my brother, who is not a believer..yet, has been suffering some chest pains that were freakin him out a bit. So he unknowingly to me, made a doctor's appointment for that Wednesday. As he walked out the door, he said "see ya later..I guess you're allowed to pray for me if you want to.." So I sat shocked and said "Ok, I will..Bye" And I did.

A little while later, I received a text message from him as follows:
"last night i prayed for the first time, and it actually felt good. im sry for always calling you brainwashed and pickin on you for that stuff."

TEARS CAME FALLING.

And they are again as I remember that.

Man, if the Lord God can change my brother's hardened heart..wow.

I wished you knew him, and how hurt he was from the church. And how angry at God he is. He did always call me brainwashed. He accused me of not thinking for myself, and that it showed my lack of intelligence. It started to ware on me just before that text message.

I had been struggling with my faith, who to trust, what is false, what is true? Hard questions..what if he's right???

My pastor's wife encouraged me that it was a good sign, not bad, that my brother said those things. It showed the light was shining brightly through me to him. The Holy Spirit was moving, and he had said once "Brooke, that's whats crazy about you. You actually BELIEVE this stuff. You have faith unlike the ones who pretend for a spiritual high." He was meaning in for an insult, but the Lord showed me it was a blessing and a "Glory to God!" moment. for sure. That this prideful, judgemental, hypocrite was transparent just enough for him to see a glimpse of Christ.



I never imagined that my brother would apologize for calling me brainwashed. At least not this soon. I thought he was messing with me again actually.

So it's been time of restoration lately. Restoration isn't an easy process I've realized. But it's better than being stagnant in ruins.

My branch getting new floors after 10 years is huge. I'm only the 2nd person to run that place, my boss before is an agnostic and she opened the building. The roof leaked and ruined the carpet, and they could never find the leak for YEARS. I'm not kidding. And maybe a few weeks after she left, my friend and teller found the leak. And the next time the workers were out, I pointed out that leak, and it hasn't let in water since. My former boss has since been promoted and opened our newest branch. IT LEAKED. IM NOT KIDDING. It's BRAND NEW. I found that interesting.

Building restoration in progress.
Family restoration in progress.
Debt being paid off.


It's been so amazing watching the Lord rebuild my workplace with staff and structure. Just watching new signs being put up on Monday after praying with my teller..was amazing. God's hand is there. I'll be in that position one year in June. I can't wait to reflect on it with you at the mark! BECAUSE it's also the marking of my student loan being paid IN FULL!!! The whole reason I've stayed here...Though God had other reasons also..

I'll save that for another blog.

I just hope to encourage you guys to not give up. When you grow weary, pray for strength. Retreat by yourself with the Father. Jesus did that. I learned that in Luke 21 also.

He retreated at night and ministered in the day. And He was God! So how much more should we be retreating to a lonely place to be re-filled?

Prayer unveils so much. I'll ask you what my pastor asked us Sunday..

What is hindering you from praying? Make a mental list of what you won't let go of and repent of as to restore communication again..

Is it worth it?

I'll be transparent here, my struggle with the outward and physical has consumed me.
Whether it be my self-image, my desire for a mate, it all has hindered me.

It has for a long time. The Lord is digging that root up.

I care too much what people think of me. There is a balance. I don't believe we should make people stumble with the appearance of evil, but I believe it all has to do with the motivation of our hearts.

And mine was partly to impress. To catch an eye..
I worried it over choosing an outfit so much, it would make me late to wherever I was going. Because all the different faces would come to mind and what they would think, so I would switch outfits with every face that came to mind..NO LIE. It's sick.

I'm such a passionate person, I struggle with balance.

So I'm praying for some of it.

To just simply have the Lord Jesus as my focus, and all else seems to fall into place.

PRAYER has been the root of this blog and all it's details.

It's been the theme lately.

When you're worn out, exhausted, pray for a time of retreat with the Father. He will provide it. We know this because He did it for Jesus, and Jesus took the opportunities. He had to.

We do too.

Rest and Peace to all of you,

-brooke

Changes

i love change. i think? ya, because i hate feeling stuck or stagnant. This week has been hell week for me. As in apparent attacks of evil. I've felt a bit lost and confused with a need for clarity and ..rest.

im tired of thinking so much. but i got a word of encouragement from a friend of mine's mom the other night. she seems to identify with me in feeling overwhelmed in our prayer lives. i want everything bathed in prayer. but im overwhelmed when i think about all there is to pray for. and i feel like im just uttering things to God..the samethings..over and over.

i know its not supposed to be like this. and all of this just under the umbrella of His sovereignty i know. because before i felt like this, i was cleaning out my room last saturday and came across old prayer journals of mine..

man, i was so passionate! and just poured my heart out like water to Him! now, i rarely write to Him. I've become ..busy. i feel as if time is just racing by. and there is this urgency inside of me to do everything..NOW. because i may miss something.. its weird i know. so i utter prayers of helplessness and desperation before i go to work everyday. Lord knows i cant do this job on my own. It's been awful up there lately. I know it's because God's kingdom is expanding there, and there has been abnormal attacks lately. And im not trying to sound spiritual, because im pretty sure if i wasnt a believer, i still would say to something to the same effect. It's just one thing after another. And I dont even want to reflect on it all. I just want it to stop.

Girls at my work have been seeking out the Lord. Coming to my church, and one is so close to salvation its amazing. My senior teller is..a challenge. sent by the Lord Himself to keep me dependent on Him. And im worn out. no lie. I know I've done something wrong. I feel like I haven't been a bold and strong manager.

Really, just lately, im seeing how much i really do miss the mark.. its nuts.

I'm so inconsistent.. im either late..or early. hot or cold. one extreme or another. where's the balance??? i wished i had some.

But here's some great news..but also a source of confusion..

I know one of the reasons ive been in abilene..in my mother's house..is to pay off my student loans so that i can be free from tie-downs to go wherever the Lord may call me to.

I'm one payment away from one of the loans being paid off, and a few more from the other.
This summer i know is gong to bring about a ton of change..i just know what or how..

Where im gonna be? what am i gonna be doing?

man and so many of my friends got engaged or married this WEEK. no lie! or dating someone..

one of my most dearest guy friends is dating someone for the first time, and he's about to graduate, and its just so weird! and one of my best friends eloped this week, but just to the JP. and i got to witness it. but its so..changing.

i dont feel creative right now, i just needed let this out and feel like i was keeping up with it..(that consistency thing again)

so im off to catch up on sleep that im desperatley lacking in.

Be praying for the retreat me and some friends are doing for the college girls at our church...
we're excited.

love everyone..

dont let the stones cry out...